Dumb Ass Sticks
I post this knowing it will probably offend most or all of my friends:
I am going to start calling cigarettes "dumb ass sticks". A couple of people I know fondly call them nature sticks. But, in order to think that smoking cigarettes is a good idea or an acceptable activity, you either have to be not just suicidal but also masochistic, wishing for a slow, painful death while your loved ones grieve before your eyes, wanting to leave spouses and children alone to deal with the longer lasting consequences of your behavior, or you have to be a complete fucking dumbass. I guess a possible third option is that you grew up in the fucking woods and packs of cigarettes with no warning labels rained from the sky and you decided to fucking light the things on fire and stick them in your mouth. Since beginning the previous sentence, I decided that that scenario would also fall under the category of "complete fucking dumbass".
I'm not particularly looking forward to watching any of you die of cancer or emphysema or heart disease.
I am going to start calling cigarettes "dumb ass sticks". A couple of people I know fondly call them nature sticks. But, in order to think that smoking cigarettes is a good idea or an acceptable activity, you either have to be not just suicidal but also masochistic, wishing for a slow, painful death while your loved ones grieve before your eyes, wanting to leave spouses and children alone to deal with the longer lasting consequences of your behavior, or you have to be a complete fucking dumbass. I guess a possible third option is that you grew up in the fucking woods and packs of cigarettes with no warning labels rained from the sky and you decided to fucking light the things on fire and stick them in your mouth. Since beginning the previous sentence, I decided that that scenario would also fall under the category of "complete fucking dumbass".
I'm not particularly looking forward to watching any of you die of cancer or emphysema or heart disease.
posted by Foodie on a Diet at
11:29 AM
4 Comments:
OH! You ARE so precious! I can't be mad at you for such a heartfelt preciously written post!
Also, by using that awfully naughty word, you have almost made me feel guilty for smoking these days. In the least, you have given me a good excuse to hoard all of my Nat Sherman "Hint of Mint" cigarettes, which if I am not mistaken, you have tried to light backwards from time to time :-)
Anyway, if it would make you feel better, my social smoking shall henceforth be confined to taking a drive in my car down Ogden and puffing away outside the "American Lung Association" building.
If nothing else, I can always start my own organ donation program, i.e., having an elaborate number of babies to donate their organs to me in the future. I'm also thinking about buying Oxygen machines. We'll see how that one develops.
I know a stoned delivery driver who would be glad to deliver an oxygen machine for you as long as you don't sue him for setting it up wrong.
Only if you think I might be able to procure some extra special wacky tobaccy from him.
(:-) j/k)
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